Out of Control
by VGenesis
Summary: Following the unexpected result of a routine Quidditch weigh-in, Harry's world starts to fall apart. As the façade of normality begins to splinter and crack, will anyone be able to help him regain control of his life or will the wizarding world have lost their saviour? Warning: Eating disorder fic
1. Chapter 1

Harry wasn't worried about the annual Quidditch weigh in. Why should he be? Sure, he needed to be light and fast as the Seeker but he was constantly being told he was too skinny by Mrs Weasley and Hermione. Then again…

Frowning, Harry thought back to the last time either of them accused him of being underweight. His memories took him all the way back to the night that Dumbledore had brought him to the Burrow after his visit to Slughorn. Molly had declared him shockingly thin and forced a large amount of food upon him during the first few days of his visit. However, she had not readdressed the issue for the rest of his stay.

Did that mean he had put on a significant amount of weight since then? No. Of course not. He was worrying over nothing. In a matter of minutes, the scales would reassure him that he weighed exactly the same as he had last year and he could put the whole matter to rest.

Almost subconsciously he hunched over the magical display on the top of the scales in a futile attempt to keep them hidden from the keen eyes of Madame Hooch. Instead of her usual spiel where she berated him and demanded that he increase his food intake lest he waste away to nothingness, Madame Hooch simply smiled and nodded with approval.

Taking his courage in hand, Harry risked a glance at the numbers on the screen. At which point he nearly toppled off the scales in shock.

"Better show a bit more balance on your broom mate or we haven't got a promising practice ahead!" Ron was smiling fondly at his best friend but Harry had lost his sense of humour.

He had somehow gained half a stone in the space of a year. How had that happened? Looking at Madame Hooch with desperation in his eyes, he felt his entire face turning red with embarrassment. This couldn't really be happening, could it?

Seeing and correctly interpreting his concern, Madame Hooch squeezed his shoulder gently, "No need to worry, Potter. Your BMI is well within the healthy zone. In fact, every year previous to this one, it has been in the underweight zone so you should actually be pleased. I know I am." And with that, she led him off the scales so she could take Ginny's weight.

Ginny smiled at him also, "Don't worry, Harry. We'll tell you if you're turning Dudley on us!" The words were said kindly but Harry felt every word punch him in his overgrown stomach like a fist. Suddenly, the world felt as if it was spiralling out of his control. How had this happened without him even realising it? Would he be able to undo the damage in time? What if the consequences affected the entire Quidditch team?

Feeling horribly queasy, Harry focused on breathing. In. Out. In Out. Having finished with Ginny, Madame Hooch was once more examining Harry. This time with worried eyes. "Potter, I think you had better go and lie down. You're looking very pale."

Even though he knew the captain of a team couldn't be seen as weak and even though this was supposed to be their first Quidditch practice of the season, he knew that it would be even worse for team morale if he proceeded to fall off his broom mid-practice. So with a hurried apology, he rescheduled the practice and raced away from the site of his utter humiliation.

The following morning, Ron and Hermione pounced on him at breakfast. They were wearing twin expressions of relief and frustration. Hermione caught him in a tight embrace, "Harry, where have you been? We were so worried!"

Harry looked at them blankly. Following the disastrous events of the day before, he had realised that he had some research to do. He'd created a calorie counter, meal plans and an exercise regime. All of which were designed to help him lose that despicable half a stone before the first Quidditch match of the season.

In order to avoid detection in the midst of this crucial but embarrassing task, he had carried out his research in the Room of Requirement. However, he had no intention of telling his friends this version of events.

Instead, he dropped his head until it was just above his plate and lowered his voice until it was barely above a whisper, "Dumbledore took me on a sort of field trip. I can't tell you much at the moment but it was a long journey and I was so knackered afterwards that I pretty much collapsed into bed."

His friends looked disappointed but nodded conspiratorially. Of course they believed him. His story made perfect sense. But although the lie may have been absolutely necessary for the preservation of his pride, Harry still felt a twinge of guilt. His new weight may have been humiliating and repulsive but this was the first secret he had kept from his friends and that made him slightly sad.

Still, it wasn't forever. He would stick to his meal plans, lose the half a stone and then everything would return to normal. That was the thought which consoled him as he helped himself to a small portion of plain porridge and a slice of dry toast. It wasn't going to be easy but it would have to be endured if he was to regain control over his life.

Ok, that's it for chapter 1 – let me know what you think! All reviews will be much appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

The morning had dawned bright and clear with the air smelling of autumn and new possibilities. Harry allowed that smell to fill him as he swooped and swerved through the empty Quidditch stadium. A feeling of recklessness suddenly seized him and he began to embark of a death defying plummet. His toes scrapped the even green lawn as he pulled up on the handle of his broom with barely a millisecond to spare.

Soaring up into the crisp air once again, a feeling of power and invincibility spread through his body, warming him from within. It was only when a scattering of students began to appear on the grounds, armed with books, parchments and stacks of golden pancakes, that Harry reluctantly returned to earth and hurried towards the changing room.

The weighing scales employed in the annual Quidditch weigh-in had been hidden in Madame Hooch's private office. Retrieving them had not been difficult. "Alohomora" had got him through the door and "accio scales" had brought the scales flying into his open arms. The mission had taken place in less than five minutes and the borrowed scales were now safely stashed in the male locker room.

"Clauditis tactus" he whispered, laying his hand gently against the smooth metal casing of his locker. After feeling a mild wave of heat work its way slowly up his hand, the locker clicked open and the scales greeted him like an old friend.

Stepping onto the scales, Harry forced himself to look at the all-important number that would reveal his fate. Reading the number aloud, he couldn't resist a broad grin. He had finally done it. Three weeks of daily exercising and healthy eating had allowed him to lose that excess half a stone. The burden he had been carrying around for goodness knows how long was finally gone.

Feeling almost lightheaded with relief and exultation, Harry shoved the scales back into his locker, sealed it and dashed off to Herbology. Entering the greenhouse just a few minutes before class began, he was pounced upon once again by Ron and Hermione. So much for my good mood, he thought to himself.

"Oh Harry, there you are!" Hermione looked even more frantic than usual, "You need to stop running off by yourself. We had no idea where you were or how to check you were ok!" Harry fought to hide a scowl, "Sorry Hermione, I wasn't aware that I was under an obligation to report my whereabouts to you at all times."

At this comment, Ron shifted uncomfortably, "Come on, mate. There's no need for that kind of tone. We're just looking out for you, that's all." Harry narrowed his eyes at his freckled friend and felt his hands curl into fists, "Looking out for me, sure. Because every time the famous Harry Potter disappears it has to have something to do with Voldemort or Dumbledore or the fate of the entire wizarding world. It couldn't possibly be something as insignificant as fancying a moment alone."

Hermione and Ron were now looking thoroughly affronted but Harry didn't care. "I may have no choice when it comes to fighting Voldemort but I do have some choice over the way I live my life so back off and keep your concerns to yourself!" And with that he gathered his belongings and went to sit on the other side of the greenhouse, as far away from them as possible.

Throughout the rest of the day, Hermione and Ron had tried desperately to corner Harry so that they could continue their conversation from earlier but Harry kept shaking them off. He wasn't sure why he was avoiding his best friends with such fierce determination but he knew that they would only make him angrier.

In his attempt to avoid further confrontations, he ended up missing both lunch and dinner. Consequently, by the time dusk had begun to fall, Harry was absolutely ravenous. However, it was already half past eight and he knew that eating late at night was a bad idea as all the calories he consumed would be stored as fat whilst he slept.

He was still fighting the urge to make a quick trip to the kitchens when he noticed a small, anxious looking first-year hovering a few feet away and trying to make eye contact. When Harry looked at him directly, the boy launched into his message, "Dumbledore says that you have an appointment with him and if it is still convenient he would like to see you in his office." On completing his allotted task, the young boy rushed off nervously.

Harry, on the other hand, was frozen in his seat. Had he really been so preoccupied that he had completely forgotten about his lesson with Dumbledore? But his surprise soon faded to bitter anger. His lessons with Dumbledore were yet another part of his life which he had no control over. He felt like a child being equipped with sticks and stones so he could go and slay a dragon. However, he might as well play along for now.

Harry's lesson with Dumbledore passed quickly and he left his office with excitement and intrigue burning in his eyes. On finding Ron and Hermione in the common room, he couldn't help but forgive them and recount every detail of his lesson. By the time he had finished, Ron and Hermione were perched on the edge of their seats, "So that's the background to how Voldemort was born. Not exactly the best start to life, was it?

Ron opened his mouth to answer only to be cut off by the loud growling sound that seemed to be emanating from Harry's stomach. Right on cue, all three of them burst into peals of laughter. Attempting to control himself, Harry opening his mouth to speak only to catch Ron's eye and dissolve into hysterics once again.

After several minutes had passed, they finally recovered themselves and smiled wearily at other. "Need some chocolate, Harry? I have some upstairs if you'd like." Harry smiled good-naturedly at his best friend, "Nah, I'm ok Ron. I'm sure I'll make it till breakfast tomorrow."

Hermione looked at him with a slight frown on her face, "Come to think of it, I never saw you at any meals today…" All of a sudden, Harry felt his amusement and good nature dissolve into sharp irritation. Fighting to keep this new emotion off his face, Harry feigned nonchalance, "Oh yeh, I spent most of the day in the library working on that evil Transfiguration essay for McGonagall. I grabbed a few rolls at lunch and ate them as throughout the day."

Hermione seemed to be satisfied with his answer and smiled, "It really was a difficult essay. I wasn't sure whether we needed to include the metaphysical elements explored by later writers so I did a brief summary of their conclusions. Then again, maybe I should have…" She paused, her mind clearly ticking away over her own essay.

Harry felt his face relax and barely stifled a yawn as the drama of the day caught up with him, "Look guys, I know it's still quite early but I'm absolutely knackered and my bed's calling to me. See you in the morning." Hermione, still embroiled in some internal debate about her essay, nodded distractedly. Ron saluted him, a grin on his face, "See you in the AM mate."

Lying on his back in his plush four-poster bed, Harry pressed his hand to his stomach. It felt like he was being kicked repeatedly in the stomach by a vicious Hippogriff. Once again, he toyed with the idea of heading down to the kitchens and grabbing a bite to eat. A slice of treacle tart and a hot mug of tea would really hit the spot. But no, that would completely derail his diet.

Besides, now that he was alone, the futility of his lesson with Dumbledore was beginning to sink in. How could the knowledge he had gained help him in his fight against Voldemort? What would happen if Voldemort captured him tomorrow? It wasn't as if he could say, "Guess what, I know the circumstances in which you were conceived! Your mother's family were tramps and your father was ensnared by a love potion. Ha! Take that!"

Wrapped in a blanket of despair, the growing pains in his stomach became almost comforting. The physical pain distracted him from his thoughts and he had a strange feeling of victory. He had managed to go an entire day without eating. That was something he hadn't managed to do for years. His lesson with Dumbledore may have been a write-off but at least the day had been successful in one sense. He certainly would have made some progress with his diet.

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